In Spite of Myself

For the most part I have always looked at emotions as being negative. Probably because many of the the emotions that I experience seem to be, for the most part, negative. Sure, there are times that I have fun. There are times that I feel happy. But happiness is based entirely on circumstances.

 I can't spend my life trying to make myself happy. What a waste of time that would be. The only things that are going to matter in the end are the things that we did for Jesus Christ. And the things we do for Him are the only things that can bring us joy.

Depression always sets in when I focus on myself and my happiness, or lack thereof.

So many times I get wrapped up with this present world. I get caught up in the temporary trappings of this world that are suppose to bring happiness and contentment. Always grasping for more like a greedy child and only finding myself more empty in the end than when I began.

How can I be a light to others, when my candle is hidden under all the worldly things I keep entangling myself in.

How can I expect to find joy and peace in Christ when I am always spiritually whoring myself out to the world?

I'll never be what God wants as long as I keep trying to do everything with my own power. As long as I refuse to let His Holy Spirit have the control in my life I will continue to find myself back in the pig pen so to speak. Back in the very mud pit where he first found me.

The only way I will have a victorious life is if I am infused with the power of God.

God give me eyes to see as You see, ears to hear as You hear, lips to speak as You speak and a heart to love as You love.

Free my thoughts of all the filth that I have allowed to slowly gather and fester in my mind.

Thank You for never giving up on me.